like the violin

It struck me today that I'm probably sick now for a reason. I had it all planned out, you know, what I should do with these days to be super perfectly prepared for school; maybe what I need is to not prepare at all, maybe what I need is just go there in two weeks and sing, with my own voice, like I always do, and enjoy it, like I always do (but in different ways).

That felt good. This summer didn't turn out quite as I had planned ... but not in a bad way. It never does, does it?

I'm listening to Tides by Nitin Sawhney. So soothing, always. I waste my time (because I need to use it up somehow) by surfing internet pages that are all about looks: collage art (of course), but also what to wear, how to live, and I keep thinking that that's all just fine, but there is nothing like music. You will have to forgive me this. I can see a marvellous compostion, colors that make me feel like I want to lay down and die right now because they are so perfect, but it will never be like singing.

And I haven't even been able to sing, or play, for two weeks, it's killing me.

Not that I don't enjoy collaging anymore. (Actually, I haven't enjoyed it as much as of late, but more on that another time. And also, note to self, do write something about how I've been feeling like a lousy photographer wannabe lately.) But it's like - collaging, and color, and beautiful clothing, it will just have to come secondly. Collage is what I do to describe my life, express it, in a way; music is it, it is the core. I think that's what have made it so easy for lindy to take over the time and emotion I used to put in art journaling. I have to struggle to make my collages look like music, but it is not hard at all to make dancing look like music. If it doesn't show the music, it is not dancing.

Photo taken at a camp with my friends, 1999, and scanned for facebook photo albums.