like the violin

Declaring 2007 complete ... (as suggested by Andrea Scher in her blog)

1. What do you want to acknowledge yourself for in regard to 2007?
I completed my first year at the Academy of Music. I am proud that I did not give up even when I felt like I am the worst singer on the planet and that I could never make a living of my singing. I am proud that I did not let others push me into a choice that I do not want; the choice between genres. I am proud that I keep figthing to be both a classical and a jazz singer.

More than that I am proud that I have come so far in understanding that I don't need _many_ friends but _good_ friends. I am proud that I have so much love to give to my dear friends and that I done my very best in nurturing my relationships during this year, also when there was little time.


2. What is there to grieve about 2007? What was scary? What can you forgive yourself for?
I forgive myself for singing badly and for thinking that I don't work hard enough. I allow myself to feel that I did my best. I forgive myself also for not succeeding in this, sometimes; I am not a bad person when I feel like I am the worst singer in the world, I don't have to feel guilty or be ashamed of my low self-esteem. I forgive myself for having complained to friends about how bad I am and how little I deserve my place at the Academy of Music.

I forgive myself for letting the whole summer pass without doing the musical theory assignments (and for still not having done them). I forgive myself for feeling that I didn't do a thing the whole summer. I forgive myself for not being creative, and for feeling that I HAVE TO be creative all the time to be loveable. I do not have to listen to people who claim that people who don't have a summer job and/ or travel a lot are lazy, uncreative and a waste of space ... and I forgive myself for feeling bad about it, too.

The last few months of 2007 was scary, because I had too little time for my friends, for myself and for my true musical joy. I intend to not let this happen again, but I can forgive myself for living that life without stopping myself from wanting to do too much too fast.

I grieve that I haven't been inspired to make collages. I grieve that the musical studies made me so busy that I had little or no time to make friends at school.


3. What else do you need to say about the year to declare it complete?
2007 was a good year! A happy year and I intend to look at it as the start of something new, something strong and safe that I will continue to build upon during 2008.
2008 is my year of loving myself completely!