like the violin

Slowly, slowly, waking up my sleeping creativity again. I haven't had as much time as I thought I would (I still work a over at the library, and I have some schoolwork left, too), and the time I have is often wasted surfing the web with nothing particular in mind. It's like there's some mean little creature in me trying to stop me from being creative, inviting me, tempting me to do all sorts of braindead stuff instead.

Luckily, I have a GREAT book to help me out of all of this. I'm reading the Creative License - giving yourself permission to be the artist you truly are by Danny Gregory, and it's inspiring, beautiful, and hilarious - hilarious because I recognize so much of it from my own creative struggles. It's like I'm finally seeing that I'm not alone. I am an artist, and like every artist, there are obstacles. The book gives plenty of ways to get trough them.

One thing I've been thinking about is how my work changes when I start creating things for others and not just for me. Look at flickr, for example, and what it has done with my life. There's so much inspiration there and new ideas. But it has made me more cautious about what I am creating. In the beginning with my art journals, I did whatever in them, just whatever I felt like. I got a flickr account and started to show things. I never thought that anyone would like what I did, but I thought it was cool seeing my collages on flickr, where all the cool people were.

Then, some of my collages grew rather popular and I got lovely compliments from people. It made me happy of course, and I wanted to create more and more. But, after a while I realised I had started to try and make things that others would like. Which, of course, made them lifeless and boring. Then I start to add things that I think would make them more "likeable" - or, even worse, I stop adding things, because I want to keep them clean and neat. What's with that anyways? I'm not clean and neat! It's awful.

Danny Gregory writes about the very same problem in his book, too:
"Painfully, it's when I'm doing a commision or making a present for someone that I am most likely to encounter this problem. Some part of my brain will not let go and sits in the background, whining and harping and firing suggestions. Instead of lettting the piece take its natural course, I try to twist it in a direction it doesn't want to go and the result is mud."

Still don't exactly know how to get out of this. Stop showing things, you might say. Yeah, but I still want the compliments ... And also, I don't want to have to hide. I want to be able to make presents out of my collaging, too. See, I'm stuck!

Anyways ... It's getting better. I stopped making things for a while, as you know, and now that I'm starting again it feels more alive, more joyous, more like it used to be. I'm trying to think that it doesn't matter what people will say. It's difficult, but good.