forgot to go to bed

Last night I forgot to go to bed. At about one in the morning I suggested we should see the first Star Wars movie (or Episode IV, if you prefer to call it that), because I hadn't seen it ... After that the boyfriend went to sleep and I didn't. And that's quite much it, I didn't ... until half past four. I had no reasons to go to bed. So much creating to do I guess! :)

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A short while ago I wrote a post about how I sometimes feel so boring, because I'd rather sit at home and read than go out and be adventurous (I didn't post it at that time, but I guess there will be more on the subject in the future).

About two minutes after I had written it, I checked some blogs and read this beautiful poem by Maya Stein. And I realized that I have the right to live exactly the life I want to live, and that the small things are the most beautiful, and that if my life is beautiful to me, I have all that I need. I don't need for others to want my life (writing that in black on white is really weird. Why on earth would I want others to want my life? Where did that come from?).

I'll put the poem here and hope she won't be mad at me for doing so. Maybe one of you needs to read this as much as I did.

I am no magic trick, no doer of miracles, no water walker.
I am no architect of glory, no layer-on of hands, no angel wing.
I am no weaver of gold, no mythmaker, no parachute artist.
I am no halo of stillness in a downpour.
I am no treasure chest, no hero, no thunderbolt wielder.
I am no rabbit foot or lottery number.
I am no combination lock, no mystery ingredient, no optical illusion.

But here is a handful of sunflowers from the florist's sidewalk jungle.
Here is a blanket to spread on the grass for an afternoon.
Here is a song on the radio that calls for dancing.
Here is a chocolate bar I will share with you.
Here is a road sign, a notebook, photographs of those I have loved.
Here is a slice of bright blue sky, a hummingbird
thrashing her wings around an apricot tree.

To see this clearly
is enough.

Maya Stein


And about two minutes after having written my last post about not wanting to buy a lot of art supplies that I won't use, I stumbled upon this magnificent manifesto. It doesn't say a word about not buying any new art supplies, so I guess most of you won't understand why I was so delighted to find it, but to me the connection is there. It's like my brain connects pieces that make total sense together even though I can't really see why they make sense. It happens quite a lot.

I guess the "forget about good", "process is more important than outcome", "love your experiments" and "capture accidents" stuff is easier for me to connect with letting go of fears and plans and creating wildly, than with browsing stores and buying stuff in pristine, shiny packages that I hardly even dare to open.

Isn't it wonderful how we always get what we need if we reach out for it? Oh, am I glad that I believe in God. Otherwise this fact would SERIOUSLY puzzle me. (It still puzzles me how it can be so right on time, so so childishly simple, so downright accurate, but at least I know who it's from.)

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On another note, I am now so bored with this cold that I declare it over (I'm feeling fine, it's just that my runny nose refuses to collaborate). The boyfriend and I are going up to the summer cottage outside of Strömstad to spend some time with the parents and hopefully get some quality sea & shore time. Back again on Sunday (and Monday is moving day, so you may not hear a lot from me then either). Hope you'll have a great sunny weekend!