Been trying to think of something to write during the whole week, for example something about the boyfriend, or the Christmas break that I have so deserved and that is finally here (since Tuesday), but I don't know, I seem to have spent all my spare time kissing said boyfriend (or laying on his couch listening to Keith Jarrett's Köln Concert and being ... happy) or preparing for Christmas (stuff like getting a tree and decorating it and finding gifts for my family).

What I can say is that it's been a crazy semester. I managed to scrape up the very last of my energy to get all the assignments done - to my great surprise I even took the music history exam! But I'm hoping it will never be like this again. That was not the life I want to live, and I still believe in my own ability to create the life I want. I'm going to do what I can to cut down on things to do and demands from others and myself, not to be this busy and stressed out, come spring.

I intend to spend these three weeks just resting. I want to nurture parts of me that I've neglected for a while (like reading! Listening to music while not doing anything in particular! Practise knitting! Making collages!) ... And I'm not going to sing or play a single note that I don't love.

I'm at my parents house for Christmas (I have my camera with me but forgot the cable, so I can't upload anything for now), and on Wednesday I'm going to Stockholm for the Snowball, which is going to be great. I wish you all a very blessed Christmas.

Heheheheee. För några dagar sedan gick jag med i en Facebook-grupp som heter "Vi som borde öva men fastnar framför YouTube" för att det är ... så klockrent.

Och det är ju en sak när man tittar till exempel på olika körers versioner av Lauridsens O Magnum Mysterium (som nog är ett av de vackraste musikstycken jag har i mitt liv just nu. Och som Härlanda Kammarkör ska göra på Julsång i City i Domkyrkan, tisdag 18 dec kl. 17:45. Det blir fantastiskt, kom och lyssna!). Eller hur olika dirigenter tar sig an Appalachian Spring. Jag får rysningar! Jag menar, sådant är ju ändå godkänd procrastination eftersom det är musikrelaterat och alltså bidrar till vidare musikalisk utveckling. Att titta på sådant som bara är roligt dock, det borde vara förbjudet ...

Här har två finfina:
100 höjdare #18 Björn Skifs glömmer texten
Cat Talking

Jag känner mig ungefär som när Kristoffer och jag en gång för (mycket mycket) länge sedan såg Mickey Blue Eyes på bio och jag skrattade så mycket på det där stället (foggettabaddiit) att folket i bänkraderna till slut började skratta åt mig. Ojojoj, ojojoj.

Här är det klippet förresten. Jag skrattade så mycket när jag såg det nyss att min klasskamrat Andreas som sitter vid datorn mittemot var tvungen att fråga hur det är med mig. Håhåjaja :)

På tal om procrastination, så är det här (blogg- alt. hemsidesuppdaterande) värsta formen, för man kan hålla på hur länge som helst ... Okej Kristin, back to work. My One and Only Love väntar.

Yesterday was such a good day that I woke up all happy and giddy today and had to stay in bed for an extra hour to listen to some seriously good music and just be happy (now that I read it it looks like it doesn't really make sense - I know that most people would associate "I had to stay in bed for a while" with something negative - but it wasn't that I didn't want to get up, it was just ... I had to enjoy the happiness a little before officially starting my day, do you see what I mean?).

Then I had the best singing lesson for weeks (I haven't had any bad lessons lately, but this one was just amazing, I felt like I really evolved), and then I met with my repetitör (I don't have time to look that up; it's a person who work at school who is probably the best piano player ever and with whom I meet now and then to go through some songs) and I got some SERIOUSLY good compliments on my singing. I'm not worried at all about the singing exam on Monday, I just look forward to it, it's marvellous :)

Note to self: only spend time with people who make me a better and more thoughtful person, who make it easier for me to love myself, and with whom I feel completely safe.

Now I have to get back to some songs I'm arranging for trumpet, trombone and saxophone (God Bless the Child, There Will Never Be Another You, Stella by Starlight, Like Someone in Love, Tenderly and Well You Needn't (personally I think we could just erase the years 1950-1980 from jazz history because this modal thinking is SO much more time consuming the the chord thinking ... It's interesting, it's just that I don't have the amount of time right now to do a well planned and working arrangement that I can be proud of. And I don't like creating things that I'm not proud of. But well)). Maybe I should just take Crystal Silence instead of Well You Needn't. Slower is easier to arrange :)

This is the good life.

This week is RIDICULOUSLY busy. Just wanted to say that. I will be posting again after the 18th, because then it's CHRISTMAS. I haven't had time for anything Christmasey yet (except for the yearly, unavoidable baking of gingerbread (ginger snaps? What is the difference?) with Lisa and my mother yesterday), but I have this semester's last exam next Tuesday and after that I intend to do nothing (except going to the Snowball in Stockholm for New Year's). Until the 14th of January! Longest Christmas holiday ever. Yay!

P.S. We have found a new pianist for the jazz ensemble and will play together for the first time on Thursday. Of course, nothing is settled, you never know if you'll work together musically, but I think we all look forward to it quite a bit, and I'm hoping it will work. Happy happy!

Some days, when I feel low and try to make myself feel better, just the simplest of thoughts suffice: this apartment. my friends. lindy hop. singing. and so on.

Other days, I need something more specific. Unfortunately, on those other days, the specific things (an unexpected compliment or surprise. Someone calling to just randomly tell me they love me. Not missing the bus. A party to look forward to. Getting something that I've pushed in front of me for a while, finally done) can be so hard to find.

This is one of those days.

You know, while doing the dishes today, I actually thought "people with boyfriends/girlfriends, do they know how lucky they are? Are they as happy as they should?". I soon realised there must be millions of people right now thinking "people with a home/ a family/ parents/ friends/ peace/ an education/ food everyday/ an income/ good health, do they know how lucky they are? Are they as happy as they should?". That made me shiver. I have so much, I am so rich, and not only materially.

Some days, I am as happy as I should, because as happy as I "should" is exactly as happy as I can be. I have the possibility of taking in all of the wonderfulness in my life, of breathing it, the happiness. I am very good at happiness, the way I automatically let it float through me. Other days ... What is it with these other days? Why can't I stem these feelings?

The first, say, year or so, after my last disastrous relationship, was wonderful. No one stopping me from what I wanted or deserved. Only me to take care of! But now, I'm getting - I don't know ... It's not desperate, not yet (my friends have promised to warn me if I get too close to desperate. That's just not a fun place to go). But still. I wouldn't mind someone, I woulnd't mind being in love, I really wouldn't, right now. There, I've confessed that. What a weakness.