I was asked if I want to sing Te Deum by Arvo Pärt with one of the school's choirs. I don't have time, but the music is too beautiful to not want to be a part of, it's stunning. You'd want to sing it too. I wonder who'll play the piano. It's supposed to be a prepared piano, a fascinating way to use an instrument.

Literally every time I walk out the door I thank God for this autumn, that makes me want to fill my lungs completely with smooth, fresh, air, like after rains, and for my life, which is so beautiful, musical and filled to the brim with deep, strong love.

Picture shows Strange Fruit during their performance "the Field", in Göteborg 17th of August. It was the third time I saw them, it's completely marvellous, magical.

Some people that I truly love.


Today is the first day of my Buy Nothing Month. I'm so excited! My exceptions are: food, rent, phone bill, tram card, school books and/or sheet music, any kinds of fika or treats after driver training (because I need encouragement), concert tickets (I had to think about that one for a while, but it was obvious that I did better in all my classes last year when I went to at least one concert a week, and I'd be stupid not to continue something so rewarding. I hope I won't need this exception since I can get most tickets for free from school or from someone I know, but if I need to go to the opera that will be 40 SEK) and train tickets to visit friends.

I'm not doing this just to not buy anything, like to save money or something - because I know that I will buy stuff, anyway. I'm doing this because I want to know what is so important to me that I will break my buy nothing-rules to get it. What will it be? Will it be candy? I don't think that will be the first thing; cherry tomatoes, cashew nuts and grapes all count as food, so I think I'll be allright for a short while. Chocolat will be hard, though. Not to mention ice cream. Gaaaah. Or will it be records? Will it be fika? Cinema? New clothes? What will it be?

This is a project that has been growing in my mind for a while. Capitalism and consumption scares me, and my wish to be a part of it (wear fancy clothes, follow trends, be good-looking, own all the records people talk about, live in a fancy apartment with stylish things) scares me even more. I guess that's part of my straight edge philosophy; not be addicted to anything but love.

This society, this economic system wants us to buy things, throw them away, and then buy more. We all know this. And I don't want it. I know that I'm part of it, and I will always be part of it, and I don't think consumption is all bad (buying a new notebook or record can make me very happy). But overdoing it is bad. And right now the whole western part of the world is overdoing it. I read about the conditions in the Chinese factories that make all the toys people here buy for their kids. They work fourteen hours a day for almost nothing. Do I want to support a system that does that to people?

That joy we get from buying stuff, is it real? Is it as good and as whole as the joy of dancing or spending time with someone you love? How long does a hug last? How long does a new jacket last? What would you choose, a new jacket or a night with friends? What would I choose? How important for me is it to look good? I bought an autumn jacket yesterday, completely wonderful, and I felt so pretty in it. It cost me money to feel pretty. Would I have felt as pretty in my old jacket? Can I feel good in my own body without nice-looking clothes? If not (because as it is, the answer for me personally is mostly no), why? Because the society won't let me. Because if I feel that I look good in whatever trash I put on, I won't buy as much. And this world is all about buying.

All the truly good things in my life, all the things I love the most, are - or can/ should be - free. Singing is free, loving, dancing, hugging, talking, walking in the woods, going to school, watching sunset or sunrise, telling stories, reading, writing letters, these things are all free. (Oh, I know that you need dancing shoes to dance, a pen to write, and a book to read, but ... I think that you understand me anyway. I explain it as good as I can.)

So, like I said, it's not that I want to stop buying thing alltogether. But I want to buy less and I want to know if it's possible for me to get less addicted to buying things - like when you cut down on sugar, eventually you won't want it as much as you did before ... Will that work with consumption too? Because if I feel sad, is shopping really the best cure? Could I do something else, something that would make a smaller ecological footprint?

And speaking of clothing and wanting to look good, could I do other things than shopping to show my personality to the world? Because as it is today, what we buy is what we are. I don't want to be what I buy, thinking of all the people who have been suffering so that I can get it. I want to be what I ... I don't know, be what I sing? Be how I dance. Be what I love ... Be who I am? Because I guess all this, the whole project, really is important for me for a very simple reason: I believe that we have a soul. Something that is not, and will never be, buyable.