The problem with my life right now is the lack of energy reserve. I used all of my saved energy during the stressful fall semester, and the Christmas break was too short for me to fill it up. So now, I'm always on survival mode when it comes to energy (and therefor also joy and inspiration) - I can gather up enough while sleeping to make it through a normal day, but as soon as something (which could be anything really, it depends on the level of tiredness - anything from doing the dishes or my homework to meeting people to taking a dance class) occurs that requires more energy, I just want to give up and sleep for weeks. Or months.

I saved up energy all week to do a good concert two days ago. Like I said it went well and I'm very happy about that, but now there's no energy left for a whole weekend of dancing. I try not to complain, seeing as I've put this life together myself, but it is so hard for me to say no to things that I want to do (or would have wanted if only I could sleep for about a week first)! But well. There will be other dance camps, with more energy and great dancing.

Hm. I need to get some kind of photographic portfolio. I asked the boyfriend to make one for me, but I feel bad about it now because he really has too much work to do as it is. Oh well, I'll think of something.

Four more weeks in school and then weeks and weeks of rest. I can do it.

Finally (sorry I'm late), here's my part of the Pay It Forward challenge (I don't remember where I saw it first; I'll be getting a little something from the lovely and talented Emma Laiho, do check out her work if you haven't already!).

Rules:
I will send a handmade gift to the first 3 people who leave a comment on my blog requesting to join this PIF exchange. I don’t know what that gift will be yet and you may not receive it tomorrow or next week, but you will receive it within 365 days, that is my promise! The only thing you have to do in return is pay it forward by making the same promise on your blog.

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Above is a painting/ collage thing I made two days ago. I was going to do the dishes but just suddenly felt inspiration flow, so I had to make something instead. I am really happy with the result but even more happy with how good it felt to create something again, I've missed it. I had forgotten how it stops time.

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I sang at a lunch concert yesterday and it was SO GOOD. I am so happy with my singing, it felt great, I sang them like I had wanted to sing them, I can ask for no more. I got tons of compliments and hugs and it just felt lovely. (Phantom of the Opera by Andrew Lloyd Webber, duet with Tommy; the Lettet Duet from Figaro's Wedding by Mozart, duet with Josefin, and A Case of You by Joni Mitchell).

The guitarist I played A Case of You with called me a short while after to apologize (he had gotten one of the scary panicking nervousness attacks, that we all get now and then, right before playing, so he had made some mistakes, but it was really nothing and I told him I was just so happy he had wanted to do the song with me), and he said his girlfriend who had listened had started to cry when I sang! Isn't that the best compliment!

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This weekend I am one of the two official photographers for Swingin' Spring, Gothenburg's yearly lindy hop workshop. 500 participants, including some of the world's best lindy dancers are here, and the weekend is busy with classes and parties (and in between, trying to get some food and sleep). I've had some extra troubles with my back lately so I won't be dancing much (also I'm way too tired!), but I'm hoping to get some good photos. I'm really nervous. I was asked to do this, so people might actually think I'm a good photographer, somehow. That's a scary thought. Up until now I've never really had any pressure to take good pictures. Oh well, I can only do my best.

My life right now is so busy that I just started crying earlier today, there were so many things to do I just got overwhelmed and couldn't handle it. But after crying I felt a little better. Five more weeks of school and then summeeeeeeeer = vacation. I can do it!

Some photos from a lovely Sunday:

Some more photos from the past - as in, last Saturyday. :) My cousin turned 35 and had a lovely party. (Yes, that's the boyfriend helping out with the dishes in the top photo because he's easily the nicer and more helpful of us. Actually he's the smarter too (which is somewhat annoying, because I'd very much like to be smarter). But I take better pictures. :))

As promised: some photos from the weekend before last, a weekend spent with dear friends.



Slow Saturday with Lisa and Hanna. First we went thrifting (and gave away an old lamp that I'm not as fond of anymore, and since I moved I just don't have room for it), then watched a movie. I can't even tell you how good it is to live in the same building as your two best friends, everything is casual, flowing.



Preparing a Sunday dinner with Andreas and (another) Hanna, two friends from high school that I occasionally meet up with, and it's always good and fun.

The view from my kitchen window, and trees in blossom at Järntorget during a short morning walk today.

It's like I've been some sort of mentally under the weather for weeks, maybe months, and now I'm finally coming back to myself again. I've been laughing today, out of pure unexplicable (the best kind) joy! It must be spring.

(Photos from these past few weeks - there aren't many, because I rarely take pictures when I'm low, but at least a few - will be up tomorrow. Right now I'm off to bed. Good night!)

A while ago I started to look through pictures from last year, the first year with my new camera. Here's the next part of the series: Five photos from February. (Here's January.)

So I was invited to this party, and I had been looking forward to it, I knew there would be nice people (most of which I don't know, and a few of which I know a little). And I haven't been to a decent party in ages, and I had come home from work and eaten my dinner and should be getting ready to go, but instead I found myself procrastinating in front of the computer. What? Why am I not already on my way? Why am I stuck here?

And then I suddenly caught myself thinking: What would I talk to people about? You see, I tend to always answer the truth when people ask me how I'm doing or what's happening in my life. And I couldn't see myself telling people I've never met before the truth about how I'm feeling in my life right now; neither could I muster the energy to spend the whole evening saying everything's fine.

So I decided not to go. Instead I went downstairs, where I knew Lisa and Hanna would be watching a movie (because they had been up in my room thirty minutes earlier to invite me), and then I spent the evening with them: laughing a great deal, watching a great (to my astonishment, it sure didn't look like it from the cover) movie, and talking about life in general and low-ness in particular. Because they are the bestest of best friends and they will remain so no matter how ugly, low, uninteresting or un-creative I may feel.