As promised, some photos from last weeks' wonderful vacation and the house we spent it in. Not much else to write right now ... Life is slow, calm and nice. I'm starting to long for parties. Off to the lindy hop social night soon. Hope you're having a nice Monday.

It worries me a great deal that I have stopped photographing. I took some pictures last week when we were away, but not many, and none that I like (I think - I haven't even put them on the computer yet ...) I don't know why. I just don't bring the camera. Is that enough reason? And if that's the reason, why don't I bring it? Last year I'd go nowhere without it, everything was worth keeping, documenting, showing - and everything was fun to photograph, in the moment, even if it didn't turn out "good" (whatever that means). And even if I remember to bring it nowadays, I carry it around all day without taking it up. How can this be? I love that little darling and want to use it. Any ideas or advice on how to start photographing again? What to think, what to do?

Anyways, I am worried about that, but I am even more happy - that I have started art journaing again. (The collages from above are from May, I haven't gotten around to scanning the new ones yet.) It's such a great relief and I can feel it almost physically how draining it is to not create, if I haven't done anything creative during a whole day. So I'm not going to write anything else here but just simply turn the computer off and work some on my photo album, while I've got the creative juices flowing (seeing as I am about five years behind on them, that could be good).

This is the form of collage that is easiest to me, and I think the one I feel most at home with: Searching through my collections (and/ or magazines, papers and recycle bins) for images that I respond to on this certain time, and then putting them together in a way that I like. These are the only rules. It doesn't have to mean anything (it rarely does), but it is always a window for my feelings and my mood. Something from the day I'm living gets stuck on the paper, details, sentiments.



I've made collages like this for many years (the art journaling with writing and embellishments only happened a few years ago). Many of the collages I made in high school, for example, were color coordinated, and they were often gifts; I thought of a person, decided on a color that I felt suited him or her, and than made the collage out of those colors. I've always collected images and random clippings from magazines and papers, so I've had boxes to search through when looking for something of a certain color or shape.

I've gone back to making a couple of these simple collages this past week, as you can see above, and I really enjoyed it. It's just one form of art journaling among many that I like, but it's one that I hope I'll always come back to.

This has been a truly lovely week away. We've been in Johan's parents' summer cottage in the woods in Småland (about four hours' drive from here, almost on the east coast) and have been just relaxing the whole time. Taking walks, reading books, cooking good food (Johan), doing drawing exercises (me) and doing tons and tons of creative stuff (I brought my art journal and photo album as well as several small boxes of scraps and all my patterned papers, so there will be stuff shown here over the past fews days!).

It feels almost surreal to be back in town, as we've been completely without internet and telephones, and spent time only with each other. Even more so as we got home to the most amazing thunderstorm, it was so spectacular and beautiful (we had gotten safely inside with all our stuff before it started, thank God).

Anyways, the weather which has been warm and sunny over the past two months (!) has now turned gray, windy and rainy again (that is to be honest a much more common sight in Göteborg). That doesn't bother me at all though. Just gives me more time and a great reason to stay inside and create like crazy! :)

Speaking of creating ... The little house where we stayed belongs to Johan's grandparents, but they are now so frail that they no longer can go there. The place is completely full of old stuff that has gathered dust there over the years (they lived there for several months every year up until a few years ago, and never seem to have done much sorting - or throwing away - of anything). The grandparents themselves don't care about any of it, and so I was allowed to look through everything, and keep anything that wasn't personal. And oh, did I love it. There were drawer after drawer full of old letters (some of them more than sixty years old), unwritten "get well soon" cards from the sixties, beautiful old photos, Christmas cards from everywhere, bible verses, books so old that they almost feel apart ... There were amazing treasures to be found for a paper addict like yours truly.

The most amazing things weren't the ones I was allowed to keep (even though some of the tiny squares of Christmas gift wrappings, printed in Chicago in 1957, actually made me yell with joy), but all the letters and cards. There were letters to and from Johan's mother, grandmother, great grandmother and tons of aunts and uncles. The most interesting ones were sent to or from Minnesota, as of course (like in every Swedish family I think) someone immigrated and got married over there.

The letters told amazing stories and left so many beautiful details from their lives. What inspired me the most, I think, is how many of them wrote "for which we thank the Lord" and "praise to Him who has given us this or that" (this or that could be anything - a new grandchild, getting home safely from a trip, unexpected money to repair the toilet, a warm and sunny Sunday, a visit from an old friend somewhere, just about anything). It's just such a lovely way to look at life, that everything that happens is a blessing from God. I need to work on that a little in my own life.

The whole letter reading business over the past week got me really inspired to get my own letter writing going again. And that's the main reason for the "advertisement" you see in my Moleskine above (click the image if you want to see it bigger). Other reasons can be that now that I'm on summer holiday, I have tons of creativity that needs to get own and I'd love to share it with someone, and that I LOVE to find something nice in the mailbox. So what do you say? Are you up for it? Just admit it, you want a real penpal too!

While seraching through last year's pictures, I also came across pictures like the ones above, photos of my beautiful friends. at each and every one of them I had to stop and think "wow ... I really must have the most besutiful friends in the world". Just look at them, such wonderful people, I can see their personalities (and they're all so very different, so interesting human beings) shining through in these photos, and I'm so glad to have them (both the people and the pictures of them). These are just a random selections (I would have shown you all my friends but there's only so much room): Maria & Malin, Linda, Maria again, Robin, Hanna.

Like I said, I'm going on vacation today and not bringing the cell. On Friday we leave Småland to celebrate Midsummer in Lidköping with Karin and Anders and other friends of theirs, that will be great I think. See you in a week!


* * * Update
I just read in the morning paper that Esbjörn Svensson is dead. It's horrible, it's just too, too tragic. He was (according to me but also to many. many others) Sweden's greatest jazz musician, with so many fantastic albums and concerts behind him. I had planned on listening to him again with his trio at Nefertiti this October, but no one will ever hear him play live again ... He was only 44 (he died in a diving accident, two days ago I think), and it's such a tragedy, he was so brilliant, his music is magical, truly magical. And he would have had so much more to give to the world!

He has given me so much personally, too, not just as a jazz musician and concert goer but as a person, as a muscial being. Maybe if I hadn't heard his music first, I wouldn't have believed jazz was for me. I always used to think jazz was too difficult and complicated. I was about fifteen when a friend lent me From Gagarin's Point of View, and while listening to that, I realised, "wow ... jazz really is for me". This is a sad day indeed.

Johan is away for the day and I'm at his computer, looking through last year's photos, trying to decide which ones to print and put in albums. One day if I'll have more money than now, I'd like a photo printer (snd I'd like to afford printing them, too ... I heard it's eight times more expensive to print photos at home then sending them to a lab, cost of the printer not included), so I could just print photos as I go along. That's totally on the wish list. But for now this will have to do.

So anyways, the photos above are from exactly a year ago, June 2007. It makes me so happy when I look through old photos and come across some - like these - that I really, really like. That's my dear friend Sam on the photo in the middle, in case anyone's wondering.

I'm listening to Köln Concert (man, it's just so amazing I could listen to it everyday) and thinking about weird things like if I and the boyfriend ever break up I will never ever be able to listen to it again, because it would be too painful to remember us laying on the couch, talking softly but mostly just intensely listening to this beautiful, beautiful music. Not that I'm planning on us ever breaking up though. It makes me so happy to think about that this may very well be it, you know, the it they have in movies, the real thing (or "Mr. Himself" as my godmother likes to call it, that's sweet), that'll last. I never thought I'd have that. But I SO have it. Yay :)

On another note, I'm beginning to feel the good life again. Relaxing more and more every day. On Monday we're going to the summer cottage in Småland and I'm not bringing the cell (this might be my best decision in months), just tons of photos, and albums with lovely, inviting, black pages :)

I read this thing on a blog: Grab the book nearest to you. Read the fifth sentence on page number 23. What does it say?

Here's the sentence I found (in "Rothko" by Jacob Baall-Teshuva):

He was very interested in music, an enthusiasm that lasted for many years.

I just thought that was pretty magical. Seeing as I needed that so much, something reassuring, that I will not lose my music. God sure does work hard to encourage his loved ones. Through an art book, who would have thought? (But then on the other hand, why not.)

Ooo, I've been crazy inspired (art journals, mini books, collages, drawings, there's so much of the goodness) these past few days but have (have we heard this before ...?) had almost no time to create, so it's like I'm walking around with this big dam that's going to burst any day now, and then I'll have to cancel everything else and stay at home buried in paper scraps for days. Let's hope it won't go that far, because there are still other things I like to do, such as spending time with the boyfriend and my friends. And going to work at the library is actually quite a good thing. Cross your fingers for me that I can find a way to manage both a healthy social life and a severe paper addiction :)

Just had to show these hooks that I saw yesterday in the changing room at Lindex. they were the only fun thing about the bikini hunt I described, they actually made me laugh in all their usefulness - why haven't someone thought of this years before? (The signs read "Fits perfectly. Must have!", "Maybe ...", "Wrong size, get new one" and "Doesn't fit at all". Lovely!

Today I have nothing more to say than that I have the whole day free and empty. I can't even recall when that last happened, probably around New Year's. Six months ago! It makes me giggle just thinking about all the creative things I could do with this day. Start a new photo album maybe ... The weather's beautiful, I could take the tram to Saltholmen and get some sun and sea, or I can sit on the balcony and read. Oh, a whole day! I'll let you know later how this marvelous empty day turned out. :)

Oh, it's been such a lovely day! (Well, at first it wasn't that lovely. I tried to find a new bikini, which proved to be very difficult. Seems that if your bust is sligtly bigger than "normal" (whatever that means), bikinis are not made for you. I found one in the end - black, boring, pretty ugly, not at all the splash of color I would want to wear - but at least my breasts don't fall out ...)

First I went to see Kristian's and my intermediate lindy class performing on the yearly West Coast Jitterbugs summer show (I was in it last year which was great fun, but there was no advanced routine this year). Look how pretty they were! The other groups mostly wore black (also shown above, the intermediate/ advanced routine) or white, but we went for crazy colors (yes, my idea :)). And they were all so good, I sat smiling with joy, it's so wonderful to be able to teach someone something, and that it looks like they're having fun learning it, and performing.

Then we (as in, about fifty of the West Coast Jitterbugs) went in a rented bus to a open-air dance floor with a lawn and a lake next to it, perfect for a day with as lovely weather and as lovely people as these. They are so much fun to be with and it's sad that I've hardly spent any time with them during these past busy months of no dancing. That must be changed!

Right now, looking forward to sitting on the balcony in the evening warmth with the boyfriend and lots of Ben & Jerry's. It's all good.

Slowly, slowly, waking up my sleeping creativity again. I haven't had as much time as I thought I would (I still work a over at the library, and I have some schoolwork left, too), and the time I have is often wasted surfing the web with nothing particular in mind. It's like there's some mean little creature in me trying to stop me from being creative, inviting me, tempting me to do all sorts of braindead stuff instead.

Luckily, I have a GREAT book to help me out of all of this. I'm reading the Creative License - giving yourself permission to be the artist you truly are by Danny Gregory, and it's inspiring, beautiful, and hilarious - hilarious because I recognize so much of it from my own creative struggles. It's like I'm finally seeing that I'm not alone. I am an artist, and like every artist, there are obstacles. The book gives plenty of ways to get trough them.

One thing I've been thinking about is how my work changes when I start creating things for others and not just for me. Look at flickr, for example, and what it has done with my life. There's so much inspiration there and new ideas. But it has made me more cautious about what I am creating. In the beginning with my art journals, I did whatever in them, just whatever I felt like. I got a flickr account and started to show things. I never thought that anyone would like what I did, but I thought it was cool seeing my collages on flickr, where all the cool people were.

Then, some of my collages grew rather popular and I got lovely compliments from people. It made me happy of course, and I wanted to create more and more. But, after a while I realised I had started to try and make things that others would like. Which, of course, made them lifeless and boring. Then I start to add things that I think would make them more "likeable" - or, even worse, I stop adding things, because I want to keep them clean and neat. What's with that anyways? I'm not clean and neat! It's awful.

Danny Gregory writes about the very same problem in his book, too:
"Painfully, it's when I'm doing a commision or making a present for someone that I am most likely to encounter this problem. Some part of my brain will not let go and sits in the background, whining and harping and firing suggestions. Instead of lettting the piece take its natural course, I try to twist it in a direction it doesn't want to go and the result is mud."

Still don't exactly know how to get out of this. Stop showing things, you might say. Yeah, but I still want the compliments ... And also, I don't want to have to hide. I want to be able to make presents out of my collaging, too. See, I'm stuck!

Anyways ... It's getting better. I stopped making things for a while, as you know, and now that I'm starting again it feels more alive, more joyous, more like it used to be. I'm trying to think that it doesn't matter what people will say. It's difficult, but good.

In a comment on my last post about scrapbooking, Linda said something like "it's pretty, and inspiring, but what would I do with it ...?" Gosh, I've had that feeling so many times. "What is this good for, how will it improve my life? It will gather dust on a shelf somewhere. I should do something USEFUL instead."

But, Danny Gregory answers all these questions, right here. And everything is light and clear and evident again.

It's been such a lovely weekend: Going to the Nordic Watercolour Musuem in Skärhamn, and it was as magnificant and as inspiring as I had thought and hoped; I just walked around there and thought to myself "I am going to learn this for real next year! Wow!". Taking a walk at Änggårdskolonin (with all the little houses that I've told you about earlier), enjoying their "open day" where we were able to take a look inside several of the lovely gardens. A spontaneous picknick with dear friends in Botaniska trädgården. An even more spontaneous trip to Saltholmen to take this year's premiere swim in the sea. By then it was eight in the evening and the sun was still warm (the water cold, but it mostly is).

As I write this it is eleven and still only dusk outside, not night. It doesn't really get to the night state of darkness, this time of year.