(Yes, I am a paper addict. I can spend a lot of money on paper and stationary, paper that I have no idea what I'm going to do with - I just like to go looking at paper, choosing, buying some, and then looking at it at home (and of course, occasionally making something from it. I really love paper.)

Also:
+ the boyfriend is in Ukraine for ten days. Stupid idea. I like everything better when he's here.

+ when I was in high school, I was so afraid of loneliness that I could start to cry if I didn't have friends to spend and evening with. For this easter, I was prepared to be calm, quiet and alone, and all of a sudden friends called me to say "I'm coming home for Easter and I miss you, do you want to see me?". So weird how they have always been there, caring for me, and how I never managed to see it, like I do now. I am so grateful for them.

+ I'm slowly getting used to my new apartment. I will like it, eventually. And yes, it is quite practical to live in the middle of Göteborg. It takes ten minutes to everywhere.

+ still no joy in music, still no collaging. I have started writing letters again though! Always something, I guess, although I miss my creativity the way it was, constantly flowing, never ceasing to surprise me with new energy and happiness in the work I was doing. (Let me know if you're a fan of letter-writing, we could work something out :))

Some more vacation photos. This is one hard vacation to come home from, I tell you, seeing as I haven't really got anything to come home to - still haven't finished cleaning up my new apartment from the guy I rent it from, and so there are boxes and bags everywhere and everything is still, well, a mess.

But it's been a great week and I intend to live on it for a long while.

Vacation

This would NEVER happen in my own family. All of the family members sitting in a living room. Some are reading, someone's trying to fix a problem with the laptop, someone's just thinking. It is silent. Everything is safe. Now and then, someone says something about the book they're reading, about the computer problem that's being solved, or about the delicious coffee beans dipped in chocolate that were bought yesterday and that we're now sharing.

If it were my family, the silence wouldn't be this comforting; someone would speak of what haven't been done or what's to be done tomorrow; someone would come up with something to discuss (or argue about). Come to think of it, if it were my family, this would never happen. We don't spend time together doing nothing. We're not calm enough.

I'm on vacation with the boyfriend and his family. I'm learning to ski, slowly becoming more and more comfortable with those mysterious things attached to my feet. I was extremely scared at first (and all the way in the car to get here (that's a ten hour ride) I kept thinking (and saying) "I will die! And break both my legs!"), but the boyfriend with his enormous amount of patience and - I'm beginning to realise - love for me, just kept comforting me and saying "I won't leave you. I'll be right behind. I'll help" until everything felt better. I began to thoroughly enjoy this whole skiing thing after only a few hours. I sprained my thumb today (by falling on it - yes, it must have looked as silly as it sounds), but not too badly, it's a bit swollen, that's all.

My muscles are tired. I'm slowly relaxing, letting go of all the school stuff, choosing not to think of what awaits me at home. I'll deal with that later. For now, I'm skiing. I'm going to sleep early and waking up rested. I'm eating good food, reading ("Equal Rites" by Terry Pratchett, which is a fabulous fairy tale to enjoy on snowy evenings like these in a cottage like this), and growing more and more in love with the boyfriend for every minute - yes, I can feel it, tangible, growing in me as I look at him, how I love him more now than two seconds ago. And it's not stopping.

This past week has been a MESS.

I moved on Saturday, cleaned my old apartment on Sunday and Monday, just to arrive on late Monday afternoon to my new apartment (which is about half the size of my old one, so the room is filled to the brim with furniture, boxes and things) just to realise that the person I'm renting from hadn't cleaned it properly, so I had to clean that apartment, too. I'm still not done. And Friday, I'm leaving to go skiing with the boyfriend and his family. Not easy to pack bags for a trip when you have no idea in which box your things are. (I know, I know - I should have marked them. But I didn't know I wouldn't be able to pack things up immediately).

On top of this, things in school - or rather, my feelings about going there - have been getting worse. I'm right now in survival mode, focusing only on making it through until summer. Meaning, I'm singing horribly, skipping loads of classes, and in general not at all being the perfect music student I have been, and had intended to be. I don't know what else to say about it right now. My plans for this fall, so far, is to take some sort of half-time class at the university (English maybe, I don't know yet) and sleep and fill pages in my art journal for the rest of the time. That's all I really want. Sleep, and fill pages with colors. Thankfully I have some money saved up, that I can live on for at least a little while.

As you can see, not much time or peace to blog ...

The boyfriend, though, is taking good care of me. I'm staying here until I'm done cleaning and unpacking - it's just depressing to be down in my new apartment now, with all the mess. Mess just isn't what I need in my life right now. To pull through with school and everything that must be done, I need a place to stay which is peaceful and organized and just plain nice, so I can feel safe somewhere. Right now the only place where I feel completely safe and at ease is in the boyfriend's arms at night.

I am homesick for my old apartment. Pictures on top are from last March. It is now exactly a year since I moved in. I felt at home there immediately. When will I feel at home in Vasastan?