What if I'm not her?

You have heard me say this so many times that you're not going to believe it, but here goes ... I'm sick. Again. These never ending colds I have been getting since August are really starting to annoy me. And I'm worried, too. I've got nine concerts, with both solo and choir performances, in the next two weeks. And the way I'm feeling (and sounding) now, I won't be able to sing for at least another week, maybe more. It's weird how a normal cold can destroy so much of life - mostly school work of course, but stuff I do for fun as well, like choir singing. And what if I don't take all my points? What if I FAIL? what are my teachers going to say? What am I going to do? I've always been en duktig flicka, the perfect student. what if I'm not her any longer?

It's no fun at the moment. I have looked forward so to this December, I love singing all the Christmas songs, but now I don't know at all what's going to happen, how I'm going to solve this. I can't even plan a solution. I hate that. I am used to getting double and triple booked, but I can always plan my way out of that one way or another. If only I knew when I'll be able to sing again, so I could plan it somehow! But I don't and I can't. And I'm worried.

- - -

The few glimpses of light ...

- The boyfriend, who takes exceptionally good care of me when I'm sick: cooks all my meals, hugs me all the time, looks at me as if I was the most beautiful thing on earth even though my nose is redder than Rudolph's, and buys me chocolate. Hm ... come to think of it, he does all these things for me when I'm not sick, too. but it's even nicer now :)

- Letters. A lucky coincidence (or the hand of God! Who knows!) made it so that I got letters from several of my favorite letter writers during the past week. That was very well needed and appreciated.

- På Spåret. I love På Spåret. The new season started last night. When people ask me what TV shows I like, there's only one answer: I only ever watch one, and it's På Spåret. (It's on English Wikipedia! Look!) It's about travels and places and stuff ... and it's just nice. No one gets humiliated. No one is mean. People just laugh and tell jokes and have a good time. And I also like it because I sometimes manage to figure out where they are going before the contestants do. :)

- David Eddings. It's lightweight fantasy, it's entertaining and it's about another world in another time, so I don't have to think about this world and its worries at all.

- Good songs, new and old. Anyone want a mix CD? I have some found some real goodies lately.

- I have enough money saved up to survive next semester even if I don't get any money from CSN (that's partly why I'm worried - if I don't take 75% of my points this semester, no money from the state next semester). At least for a little while. (So I shouldn't be worried. But I'm worried anyway.)

- We have nice sunsets here.

Truth be told, I'm rather proud to have gathered up so many good things on a day like this. And I didn't even include the sour cream & onion chips that Anders (who lives here as well) promised to buy for me today.