Some of you may not have heard what it is I do right now, so I'll just say it again: I'm taking a break from the university (something I hear is rather unusual in other countries (?), but very common in Sweden; I don't think I know of anyone who didn't take a break in their studies to do something else for a while) to go to art school for beginners this spring. I needed to slow down. A lot. And allow myself to feel that I don't have to sing one single note if I don't feel like it.
The commute is quite long (one hour and a half one way) and I end up at a folkhögskola in the middle of nowhere. I guess I'll tire of the commute sooner or later, but right now it is just golden. It gives me so much time to just sit and think and listen to music.
And the course is, well, "calm" is almost an exaggeration. It is less than calm, it is the quietest, slowest course I've ever taken and nothing really happens ... Except I have time to draw. I go there in the morning, draw until lunch, eat lunch, then draw some more, and then I go home in the late afternoon. I guess I'm a pretty slow drawing student, but I don't feel stressed at all.
So, above is something I drew yesterday - my hand. And I feel so proud and pleased with myself. I didn't know I could draw something that would look even remotely like a human hand, but look! There it is. It's a hand. My hand. I have decided that I will feel very proud of my work. I am so tired of artists/ bloggers saying things like "this is just some crappy drawing and I hate it but I'll show it anyway in all its disgustingness". (I'm tired of myself saying similar things, too.) And I am totally not going to do it (anymore).
What's the use, really, in comparing my work to others'? This is my hand! I think it's lovely! And when I see other artists' beautiful work, I don't want to feel "oh ... their drawings are so great, much better than mine, so now I have to hate mine and feel ashamed of myself for even trying". I want to be able to look at other people's work to be inspired, and to learn more, not to compare. I am so trying to get comparison out of my life. OK, I know that with music, that may never happen (even though I would like to). It's just so much more difficult seeing as that is my main focus in life and also where I (plan to) make my living. So I can't promise you about that. But art is something I do just for myself. At least I want it to be. So I'm working on that.
2 comments:
Kristin. Du påminner mig väldigt mycket om mig själv. Jag tycker att du är bra.
(Hm, den andra meningen är inte anledningen till att jag sa den tredje meningen, även om det kan låta så. Det är bara trevligt att läsa om någon som tänker som en själv.)
Jeg tror det er kjempelurt å ta en pause. Jeg mener, det er jo ikke noe stress her i livet egentlig. Man tenker at man skal bli så fort ferdig med ting, og hele tiden komme seg til et punkt. Bli ferdig med den og den skolen. Begynne å jobbe. Men, er det ikke bedre om man bare tar seg tid til å puste, og nyter der man er? Det synes jeg, og jeg er glad for at du har funnet noe å senke skuldrene med. Jeg synes du tegner kjempefint, og jeg liker innstillingen din. Håper helgen har vært fin! <3
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